Fears around getting older and mortality

 

There are only two certainties in life – that we will age, and that one day we will die. For some, these might be just unwelcome thoughts we push away until something jolts us briefly into awareness, only to push them away again. For others, fear of mortality can become so debilitating that it gets in the way of living life to the full. Anxiety about death fluctuates throughout life and is usually most acute at times of transition such as puberty and mid-life. Fears about aging and death are interconnected – after all, aging is the outward manifestation of our mortality.

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Types and Causes of Fears Around Aging and Mortality

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Fears about aging and death are an issue for many people coming to therapy. Here are some common types and causes:

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• Acute, Explicit Fear: This might take the form of panic attacks, health anxieties, or preoccupations with preventing risk and illness.

• Triggered by Life Events: A brush with death or illness can shake you and prompt deeper thoughts about life.

• Subtle and Disguised Fear: Fear of mortality might be hidden beneath distractions like burnout at work, losing oneself in parenthood or exercise, or developing addictions or disordered eating.

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The world bombards us with messages that aging is to be feared, reversed, or even eradicated, and that we should live our lives according to various ideals of Instagram perfection; that we should look younger, seize the day, and live our best life. These things may bring temporary comfort or a sense of control, but they can also intensify feelings of anxiety, creating confusion about what to prioritize. So how can we manage this uncomfortable truth about our existence? There is no definitive answer to this question, but therapy can help you to find a meaningful answer for you.

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How Psychotherapy Can Help

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The question of how to live a meaningful life in the face of mortality and life’s uncertainty is not so much a problem to be solved but rather a fact of existence for us to face up to and engage with. If we can do so, the fact that life is finite may surprisingly prove to be the key to living a more fulfilling life. This is the basis of existential philosophy, which is the ground of existential therapy – to work out how to live life more fully and purposefully. Here are some ways therapy can help:

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• Facing and Managing Anxieties: Therapy can help you face and manage your anxieties and put your fears into perspective so that you can get your bearings again if you have been feeling lost or unsteady.

• Understanding Yourself Better: Therapy helps you to understand yourself better so that you can make more active choices about how you live your life.

• Gaining a Sense of Agency: We can’t make life’s harsh realities go away, but if we can stop avoiding the difficult things so much, we gain a greater sense of our own agency, resourcefulness, and freedom.

• Living a Fulfilling Life: Once we start to live in a way that feels more fulfilling and meaningful, fears of death and aging have far less of a grip on us.

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Keywords:

 

Fears of aging, fear of mortality, anxiety about death, existential therapy, psychotherapy for aging, managing anxieties, understanding self, living a meaningful life, panic attacks, health anxieties, burnout, addiction, disordered eating, Instagram perfection, life transitions, existential philosophy, therapy benefits, mental health, self-awareness, personal growth.

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Fern Dickson has particular experience working with fears around getting older and mortality. Have a look at her biography to see if her approach might work for what you are struggling with.

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Further reading:

Staring at the Sun (2008) Irvin D Yalom, (Piaktus) 
Everyday Mysteries (2010) Emmy van Deurzen, (Routledge)
Gratitude (2015) Oliver Sacks, (Knopf)
So Far So Good: Final Poems 2014-2018 (2018), Ursula K Le Guin (Copper Canyon Press) 
Four Thousand Weeks: Time and How to Use it (2021), Oliver Burkeman, (Bodley Head)
 

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